Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Summer Stillness

Bathed by my own sweat, I found myself enchanted, staring blankly on my reflection in front of our bathroom mirror. I saw my dark hollow eyes. How blank and empty they were. How strange and foreign it feels to realize the diminishing flicker of light.

The quiet dripping of our faucet began to ring in my ears. The never ending ticking of the clock filled the atmosphere. And the faint beating of my heart that goes with my heavy breathing started to pound in my head. I just stood still there. Boxed inside that tiled room and listened.

For a long while, I indulged myself in that state of trance. The sounds that bombarded my sensitive ears receded. I began to enjoy the silence and as it crept inside my whole being, my mind began to take off and travel through different dimensions that only exists in the realm of silence and stillness.

For a while, I thought I've already left the world of sanity.

Questions, unexplainable and unanswerable ones, began to spring from the depths of my head. What is the purpose of my existence? Why am I doing the things I am doing? Is there really a life after death? Do men really live by embedding themselves in ongoing systems of illusion? What does sanity really mean anyway? Is this world eternal or non-eternal? Where does my soul go after I die?

I left the bathroom in bewilderment. Even the cold water did not help to cease my mind with those strange questions. For a second, I began to think if I was going crazy or what, if I'm still inside this world of sanity, stretched beyond what I think I know of life's meaning and existence.

This was not the first time I found myself completely drawn into thinking that answers to those questions will pop out of nowhere, sooner or later.

As if knocking on the door of such great mysteries, I know that those questions will still continue to beg me to succumb or have a go with them.

Bathed by my own sweat, I found myself enchanted, still staring blankly on my reflection in front of our bathroom mirror. Words can never convey or express what I feel right know so I apologize for not having any sense at all.

Are these ponderings the effect of the summer heat? Whatever happened to PAG-ASA's wet summer forecast?

This is going nowhere. I am logging off...

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What do your active brain cells perceive?