Sunday, August 3, 2008

Start Over Again

It's Sunday again. It's been raining since last two days and the news mumbles about a series of storms that are about to enter the country this month. I hope it's not too late to admit this but I guess it's time to officially accept that the rainy season has finally arrived so I'll be saying my goodbye now to the season of my nice and hot summer days.

The rain has a different kind of effect on me. The cold atmosphere hypnotising me into a state of paramnesia and the non-stop pouring of rain forcing me to stay indoors and frown over everything from the old windows of our house. Small droplets of the sky's tears continuosly but slowly washes every sorrow and regrets of yesterday. The dream-like state taking me into the very depths of my heart and soul.

I've been thinking lately about my relationship with the Lord. I've stopped reading the Bible, stopped doing devotions, and stopped praying with all my heart for a very long time. I've lost my appetite for fellowship and ministry and stopped caring at all about doing any church service. Bearing this huge whole in my heart, this chunk of questions left unanswered, I threw my world into a complete stop.

It's only now that I realized I'm lost. I guess I've not fully recovered yet. Gone is the sense of direction. Out is the blazing fire of faith and devotion. I have nothing but this dark and hazy destination.

I miss my praise and worship days with the congregation or even this overflowing feeling of joy after receiving a revelation from a Mass. I miss my eager and enthusiastic self towards God. I'm starting to feel this hunger inside me to have more of Him.

Help me Lord; I guess it's time to start all over again.

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