|Image borrowed here|
Why can't I see myself anymore? Stressed. Distressed. Filty. Rebellious. Adjectives of all the things I feel right now.
I refuse to continue with my thesis endeavour opting to dilly dally around mindlessly depriving myself of sleep, skipping lunch or simply wasting time. I can’t see the point in going on. I’ve lost the fire, the drive and the eagerness to continue. Where did I go wrong? Fuck my present demons that just won’t leave me alone. Fuck the load that I refuse to carry. Fuck the perfect circumstances that are so fucked up I won’t even give a damn if my life gets so fucked up.
Why can't I see myself anymore? I can't even see myself in this piece of shit I’m wasting my time to write. Fuck resiliency that obviously have fled from me. Fuck my bad-mouthed stubbornness, indecisiveness and cowardliness. Fuck the hurricane that is simply too much for me to resist.
Why do I feel like my life’s been caged and predetermined since the beginning? Why am I having all this fucking uncertainty? Can I please make my own choices not based nor influenced by other people’s expectations and interests? Will I ever have the room to mess around and fuck up even just for once in my life?
Fuck the stupid useless street literature by Allan Navarra. Fuck Thirty Seconds to Mars and their music with subliminal messages and transhumanistic crap. Fuck Philippine politics and all that crab-mentality shit going on in our fucking deteriorating society. Fuck all the hypocrite turncoats slurring curses and bullets the moment you turn your back at them. Fuck them people who waste their time planning and plotting making sure weaker ones suffer and slither in pain. Fuck all of ‘em shitheads.
I am tired of this same old routine. Fuck my thesis. Fuck all those shitty deadlines. Fuck all my other commitments. I just need a break from all those shit. I need time. I need an exile to be exact. I need to find myself again. Away from it all. Away from all.