Hospital Freak

Image borrowed here

I hate hospitals. I just don't know why. I'm not afraid of doctors and I'm definitely not afraid of getting shots or taking up medicine. So why do I feel uneasy when I'm in a hospital? Is it because of that grave atmosphere? That eerie cool feeling? That smell of death lavishly doing its job upon the unfortunates? That silent screaming of the souls through the dark, hollowed corridors? Or maybe , is it just me?

The hospital in our neighborhood became my second home when I was still young. It is my mom's only hope whenever I get very ill. I was there when my right cheek was stitched because of an accident. I was there when my right hand was stitched when I fell off my baby crib. I was confined there for several weeks when I caught typhoid fever and dengue fever and oh, I was also treated there when I suffered from leukemia, the cancer of the blood.

Of all the diseases I caught when I was younger, I think the last one mentioned was the worst of all. I suffered from leukemia when I was just 2 and a half month old baby My case was a different one because a common leukemia is usually detected when its already worse - that is, when the doctors cant do anything anymore - but mine was an early stage of that cancer. My mom recalls back then when she saw tiny red spots forming in my eyes and all over my body. The doctors told her that my gums would've burst had she not brought me to the hospital right away. They had to drill into my backbone just to have a sample of my bone marrow. I could imagine my mom praying and crying everyday just by hearing or relating to that story again. It was really bizarre how God used me to test the faith of everyone around me. It was also weird to think that I lived up to this day for a reason or for a purpose that I meant to fulfill.

I don't know how I got through that near-death situation. But sure enough, my mom's prayers and all my other loved one's prayers were answered. I mat not remember anything from that experience since I was just a baby when it happened, but still I consider it as an experience that is truly unforgettable. I am so blessed that the heavens spared my life back then.

It was a miracle.

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Above was a copy of my assignment in EN101 entitled "My Unforgettable Experience". I consider it as a recycled composition because as I can remember, I made a similar essay when I was in highschool. Tip for students out there, dont throw out all of your past compositions because you may never know when will they be of use again.

MadMusic#001: Angel by Sarah McLachlan

What beautiful and comforting song. I remember this in particular in high school when we used it as a background track for the last scene in our final play requirement in English. It was a wonderful scene were everyone in the cast lit a candle in front of my role's dying moment. Haha. What memories...

Let go

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"O pare masyadong mabulatlat ang drama natin a, muntik ko na ngang di kayanin e.

Well if u still remember, we had a talk about that issue na diba? So i know a lot of the burdens your carrying right now. Pero ang mase-say ko lang dyan e let go of it.... pakawalan and leave everything to God na lang. Mas mainam at me katiwasayan at katahimikan ang puso mo kung ipapanalangin mo na lang ang lahat ng nararamdaman mo. Let God ease the pain you had. Let God control you. Let not your emotions totally manipulate you. Neither let yourself take place, for Satan's will is just roaming around and admit the fact that we're just humans, we're weak to stop him. This dark moments of your life might be his chance to use you on his selfish deeds.... so simply let go of what you have in your heart, let God heal you and unknowingly, you'll find one day He also changed the way your parents treat you for you let Him take the wheel of your life that's why He gave the reward of finally having the relationship you've ever wanted to exist in your family. That's all kapatid, tuloy lang ang buhay ha... love you and God be with you always...."

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What you just read up there is one of the greatest advises I've ever had. It was sent to me by my good friend, Elenore. I felt blessed and thankful to have her as one of my most close and honest friend. We're studying on different universities right now, pursuing our separate chosen paths in life. She surely is one of the persons I truly miss in high school. We're fond of exchanging thoughts, concerns, outlooks, ideologies, and philosophies in life. We've been honest in all our feelings when we are together and we've been on each others back in all our frustrations and problems in studies, relationships and other kinds of stuffs in life. I must admit that she's one of those people that really influenced me a lot in establishing my relationship with God.

Hey Elenore, if you happen to drop by and read this post I made especially for you, I just wanted you to know that I really miss you. Thank you so much.

Ang drama ko na naman, noh?

I'm not alone...

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It was already 7PM when I decided to go home. I left the group whose still planning to go Trinoma that hour of the night. It's such a shame I'm going to let this opportunity pass by (again!) to go to the newest mall in town with them. I rode a different jeepney to go home. I was alone...

Right before I got up, Mitch snuck up something in my paper bag that I only get to see in the jeepney. It was a small wooden slab of some kind accompanied by a letter written in a small piece of blue paper. It was from my dearest Kitty!!!

Speaking of her, it was weird I never get to talk to her personally on this very special get-together-before-school-start occasion. I guess we're just simply waiting for someone to break the ice. I have known her for 4 years yet I still don't know what to do whenever she's around. I'm happy, though, that I get to see her and feel her presence. Simple gazes and eye shots of her is enough to brighten up my day. What more if she gave me something - a piece of her love like what she gave me today? Oh, that sweet girl. She never fails to make me feel extraordinary! I just can't help to say that my life would have been colorless if I hadn't meet her. A life without her would really scare me a lot.

Anyway, right on the piece of that wooden slab was a picture of a cute little kitten. And just above it's head, encoded was the message of the Lord taken from Ephesians 6:10 : "Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might." The moment I read that, everything came into a full stop. Though the chauffeur was driving at full speed, it's as if it's taking a whole eternity to get to my destination. Nothing else around me mattered anymore. I found myself tenderly holding the gift with both hands. Staring at it blankly. My senses running wild. I have never felt like that before. And from a fraction of a second or so, I thought I saw the face of my Kitty on that piece of wooden slab, smiling back at me. I felt an omnipotent force from out of nowhere. It was guiding me and protecting me. It was very strange but it surely felt... good.

I walked the rest of my way home after I got off the jeepney. It was actually only a few steps until I get home. But right at that moment, it seemed I'm walking a thousand miles. My head was on the ground. I was listening at the sound of my own heartbeat, my slippers being dragged slowly on the concrete road, and the deafening silence of the night. The moon wasn't visible because of the thick clouds threatening to cry. Despite that, I saw a single star shining alone in the sky...

Tuning Out

By James Gabrillo and Mikee Tuason

You're listening to your iPod right now, aren't you? You're listlessly reading this little piece while Green Day pumps lethal amounts of teenage angst into your ear aren't you? Well, have you understood anything we've said so far, huh? You have? Oh.

Its quite obvious to anybody who lives in our modern world that things have gotten much, much noisier. Go to any public space in the city you can think of and just stand still for a while. Then, for ten seconds, just ten measly seconds, write down each and every single sound you hear - onomatopoeias count, by the way.

Its pretty impossible, isn't it? Well, that's just how raucous the situation is - its so rowdy our brains cant even keep up anymore.

But that's not the only kind of noise there is. We are constantly bombarded by advertisements, mindless chat messages, Green Day, and the occasional dose of emo wrath care of the bloggers, among others. The unimpeded flow of information is just so distracting. There is, frankly no room for stillness anymore.

One might think that everyone has to tire out sometime, right? Eventually, when everything around us has brought itself to exhaustion, the world will fall completely silent.

But up until press time (ooh), its as noisy as always. With our generations new toys, we can never get away from noise.

This poses quite a problem - how can we listen to just one single thing and dedicate our entire attention to if we're so distracted? More importantly, how can we listen to ourselves without losing focus every few seconds, with all of existence shouting at us constantly? How, then, can we ever show who we are?

Know thyself

Now, we're not going to say something really cheesy like, " We've just have to look within ourselves and then... we'll know." Its not that easy. In fact, self-discovery is so difficult, we cant even tell you how to get there. You're on your own, pal. What, then, is the point of this piece? And why have we been asking so many questions (eleven so far)?

Turn off your iPod for a while. Turn off your laptop. Turn off the TV. Gag your dog or something. Just make sure that everything is completely quiet. Okay, good. Now, you have ten seconds to find yourself. Okay, we're kidding.

What we really wanted to say is this - we have to at least try to tune out.

It's hard to admit but this generation has become extremely irresponsible in using the media available to them. We want to know everything, we want to read everything, we want to listen to everything. Scratch that. We to know, read, and listen to everything, or else we won't be contented.

But like everything else in this world. there's a limit to what our senses can take in. We have to understand this, if we want to be happy.

Let's not be eaten up by machines. When the latest episode of the Heroes is available for download on the Internet (or at Makati Cinema Square), sit down and think. Do I really need this right now? Can't it wait until I finish the things I should really be doing, like my work?

It's about prioritizing

You don't need to travel to an isolated island and stay there for weeks to find yourself. You can stay right where you are, at your cubicle in the office, and you can do it. By tuning out, we don't mean completely shutting yourself out of the universe. Rather, tuning out is about knowing how to regulate your intake of television, magazines, and your best friend's endless rumbling about his new gadget. Yes, this also means you have to learn how to say no.

The argument of the other side tells us that when finding one's self, it doesn't really seem to matter if the world is so noisy - not for our generation, at least. We've gotten used to all the screeches that they don't really bother us as much, anyway.

We we're born into a noisy world, and so we don't know what a quiet world is like. A quiet world is alien to us. So isn't it logical for us to find ourselves in the environment where we have been exposed to all our lives?

We'll leave you to think about that. But know that we've gotten used to the colorful chaos that the majority of what we're churning out as individuals is all about being edgy and stylized. We've overinnovated and overcomplicated the universe.

Is there no turning back? We say we can do it. See, by themselves alone, the citizens and technology on the Noisy Kids List can do nothing. If we show them that we're not gullible to everything that they offer, if we show them that we actually take time to choose, if we show them that we actually think , then changes will begin to surface.

In the process, when you start to get tempted to get back to your old self, know that you are worth more that that iPod. Much, much more.

Get out of your comfort zone and tune out. Say this to yourself ten times.

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Okay, honestly saying, I just can't get rid the message of this article out of my head when I first read about it in the Super! Saturday section of The Philippine Daily Inquirer. I thought sharing it to the readers of my blog is the perfect solution. I have been struck by the writers because they really do have some point... Don't you think so too?

God's Gift

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The moon is in its fullest while I'm writing this entry down. The blanket of stars I've seen all summer is hiding tonight beneath huge gray masses that was hanging in an invisible ceiling in the sky. A dark abyss that stretch outside our window is an unusual view for our neighbor's roof and the tall hospital building should have been visible from the illumination of the moon....

This week has been a very silent one. No news, interaction, or connection whatsoever from any of my friends (aside from Gil whom Ive seen several times in the Internet cafe). I really MISS them so much. I don't know what to do. I'm depressed and I'm feeling very lonely. I'm longing so much for their company. And I'm so looking forward in reuniting with them again.

I can help but to notice that they are the source of my strength. The ignition of my life. The love, joy, security, and acceptance they have been giving is something I'll never easily find somewhere else. Sounds familiar? Well, the fact that He had worked his plan through them, sculpted my character through their hands, and gave meaning to my life through their words, is something that gives me hope after all these depressing major changes in my life. God has worked his way in my life through my friends and through all those special and close at my heart.

And the greatest realization Ive seen yet, the realization that warms my heart so much and that also adds a pinch of satisfaction and genuine happiness in my state now, was that I was able to see God, even just in a faint image, in the eyes of everyone that revolves in my life.