Of Love and Prostitutes

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Talbog ang ingay at hiyawan sa aliw-iw ng mga lumang kanta ng karaoke. Amoy ang ningas sa mga upos ng mga ginamit na sigarilyo. Habang kapwa nakalatag ang aming nagbabagang katawan sa maliit na kabaong na pangdalawahan, dahan-dahan ko syang pinagmasdan. Mataimtim. Matahimik. Mapayapa. Taglay nya ang makamundong pagnanasang kanilang inaasam-asam, kulang na lamang syang paliguan ng mga naglalaway na hayok sa laman.

Maputi, makinis, mala-perlas na kutis. Gandang Filipina at gandang napakarikit. Mariin kong idinampi ang aking mga mata sa hugis at sulok ng kanyang mga mukha. Dama ko ang lumbay sa kabila ng ngiting pilit nyang ipinababakas sa kanyang mga mata.

February Effect: Crush Profiles

(Ahaha. Anlakas ng loob mag-post ng kalandian kahit hapit na sa mga ginagawa sa skul. Grr.)

Valentine’s almost here I could almost smell the love in the air. We’re bound to write about love and relationships again. I’ve been trying to avoid this subject ever since due to my discretion but because of trending topics brought by the February effect; it would be seasonal to share a bit of mine. *drum rolls please* Introducing my versions of Aida, Lorna and Fe – the three Maria Claras that caught my cardiovascular organ (wapak! bwahaha!) One could never resist a date (given one-in-a-hundred chance) with one of these girls even for a chap who has just recently embraced singlehood. It would truly be phenomenal :)

Miss Feisty Feline

Miss Feisty Feline is a familiar resident name in this blog. She was the Lady G wannabe in that Photoscape post flashing her Cameron Diaz grin and she’s my high school MU slash love tandem I had a thing on for years (and counting!) My high school senior year revolved around exchanging love letters, e-mails, text messages and long phone calls with her. I shared something mutual and special for the first time back then I had a little overdose I became delusional on happily-ever-after. She broke my heart when she decided not to meet me halfway. But she came back just to make sure she puts back all the shattered pieces together. Today, she remains one of my closest kumare ever, a confidant and a true friend indeed. I still regard her as my ‘guardian angel’ and the girl sent from heaven above. But I guess we’re better off as best friends in the mean time.

Miss Brightside

Miss Brightside is that vibrant effervescent Korean-looking girl from school aka Ms. Sketchpad in my Torpe No More post. She is weird and eccentric in a good way – the exact qualities that made her so attractive in my eyes. We’ve been friends since sophomore year. She never made me feel kinikilig (giddy) but there was that level of comfort-ability wherein I could just walk right up at her courageously, say that I like her, receive an outright flabbergasted response and just laugh about it for the rest of the day. Her presence never fails to draw a smile on my face – something I look forward to everyday and I just love everything about her - her angelic voice, her bubbly smile and her cheeky unrestrained laughter. I would definitely love to know her on a more personal level.

Miss Musicale

Lastly is Miss Musicale, the long lost twin sister of the renowned celebrity Yeng Constantino. Frankly, I know little about her. In fact she just made this list last Saturday when we decided to meet-up and talk about her feasibility study I decided to help out. We ate dinner together (ayeee!) and I accompanied her on her way home and to the church. We first became acquainted in this charismatic community I attended for months and discovered that she’s in the same college course program and class with some of my friends from high school. What I love is how we always bump into each other inside the church, well, especially now that I’ve also started singing with the men’s choir her composed but groovy father leads. I still can’t quite shake the idea that the dinner we had last Saturday was a date (grr. am ever assuming talaga). We got to know each other more and truly I am looking forward to a start of a new friendship :)

Wish ko lang talaga. Hindi nila mabasa ito. Ahaha. Wish ko lang.

Booze

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I've two simple messages: Kids, merry Christmas and drink moderately. Haha. I could've sworn I swore back in high school that I'd never drink alcoholic beverages. But to no surprise here I am tolerating Red Horse, Emperador, Gran Matador, San Mig Light, Vodka and Tequila.

I am never good at large group gatherings. Even if it were the very clan in Batangas I spend my Christmas with every year. There's always that tendency of me to tuck quietly at one corner or simply look for a conversation I don't mind small as long as it's intimate.

Define tuod. Define tameme. And you'll probably flash a picture of me. What a shame. A rational resolution to my dilemma would be a couple shots of booze that would do the trick. Am not a heavy drinker but it just helps me loosen up, set aside my inhibitions and talk fluently. Just enough to make me feel tipsy and not really get into trouble for doing crazy things.

Oh yeah, I just don't mind getting tipsy this coming year. At all. Kaya sa lahat dyan, inuman na!

Trial and Error

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I had a meaningful chat with one of my greatest friend (si Feisty Feline) last night. Nabasa nya kaseh yung mga recent posts dito sa blog tapos ayun yung one of the main topics namin kagabi na natapos hanggang 5 ng umaga. She shared wonderful insights and truly a different perspective sa mga pinapasok ko ngayon offering words of wisdom that I would preferably hear from one of my male friends, but unfortunately, sa kanya ko lang talaga naririnig yung mga ganung salita.

Truly, she was heaven sent. Haha. Sa kanya pinadaan ni Bro yung mga sagot na pilit kong kinukulit habang nasa Adoration Chapel kahapon. Na-appreciate ko naman because it has given me a lot of peace and so much to think about.

Sa akin na rin naman nanggaling that the reason for signing up in that online dating site was to quench my longing for reciprocation. But once again, I was reminded that I shouldn’t be chasing one love after another like it was just a game of trial and error, and just patiently wait for a little longer when the right person, the one who was truly destined for me, arrives.

Wala pa uli akong natatanggap na mensahe sa naka-date ko kahapon. Perhaps we are all trying to figure things out. Kung hinde na sya tuluyang mag-reply, titigil na talaga ko sa mga pinaggagagawa ko. Last na talaga 'to. Pramis.

Did You Get My Message?

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Sa wakas. Na-meet ko na sya :) Masaya ako kasi pumayag sya kahit medyo biglaan yung pagyaya ko ng first meet-up namin. Hindi naman sa pagmamadali pero naisip ko kasi na kung hindi ngayon na medyo hindi pa busy sa school eh kailan? Yun nga lang nabitin talaga ako kasi kelangan na niyang umuwi ng 12p. Hay. I would love to spend a day na kasama lang sya.

Daldalan kami while eating breakfast talking randomly about sa work niya and about further plans in the future sa field na gusto niyang ipursue. I shared my views too about my field and how I’m not making plans at all and just going with the flow. In fairness, makabuluhan naman ang naging usapan namin. Casual talk lang talaga. Malaman ang mga sinasabi niya which talagang nagustuhan ko. Siguro sakto lang yung ganun for a first date. Hindi kami dumako sa usapang pag-ibig though I wish I could have been more courageous in opening up the topic.

But now that we’ve seen each other in the flesh eh kinakabahan naman ako. Masaya ako dahil alam ko ngayon na hindi na lang sya isang konsepto; na isa syang totoong tao na humihinga, nabubuhay at nangangarap na katulad ko. But now I’m being bugged with countless questions that I think is normal when you put yourself out there in the dating scene. (Actually, sya pa lang ang kauna-unahan kong naka-date ever).

Lalo akong mas naging interesado sa kanya after this meet-up and I would love to know as much and as intimately as I can tungkol sa kanya. I am hoping na sya na yung tao na sasalo ng lahat ng pagmamahal ko. Somebody I could focus my love on and share my whole world with.

Sana rin we’re on the same page. Ayoko mag-assume katulad nung dati para hindi na ako masaktan.

Hay. Sana magreply sya sa mga messages ko.

Subtle Ways

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It’s been almost a month since I opened myself to the idea of online dating, signed up for one, and made a perfectly crafted profile in the hopes of meeting that special someone. Mag-iisang month na rin simula nung nakilala ko sya dun sa online dating site. What I like about this person is that mukha naman talaga syang totoo at makatao unlike nung mga previously kong na-meet (sa text or in person) na well, super pretentious at puro yabang lang.

We’ve been exchanging sweet nothings ever since we got hold of each other’s digits as we go about sending each other text messages. Masaya kasi for one month we have built up a good companionship sa text. Hindi kumpleto yung araw ko ng hindi sya kinakamusta sa mga activities niya.

Marami-rami na rin naman kaming napag-usapang makabuluhan sa text. I’ve learned na goal-oriented syang tao which is good kasi alam niya kung anong gusto niyang ma-achieve sa buhay. Sya yung nagbabantay nun sa sister niya na nasa hospital during the first weeks na kinikilala pa lang namin ang isa’t isa (mabait syang kapatid!). At sya din yung nagcomfort sa’kin over the phone during the lowest times of my campaign period when all my frustrations and self-inflicted pressure seemed to take its toll on me. Sobrang na-appreciate ko naman yung mga subtle ways kung saan napapasaya nya talaga ako.

Hay. Yun nga lang lately kasi medyo nagiging tahimik na sya sa pagtetext unlike nung mga una. Ayoko mag-isip ng kung anu-ano na ikasisira lang ng kung anumang nararamdaman ko na para sa kanya. Kaya ayun sinasanay ku na rin yung sarili ko.

I understand na hindi lang sa akin umiikot ang mundo niya and I also understand na meron rin naman syang ibang pinagkakaabalahan. I’m trying my best as well to act as maturely as I can about this matter and simply hold on to the promises we made until the day we finally meet in flesh.

Am I foolish to put my trust on someone I haven’t even met? Siguro. Pero katulad din nung sinabi niya, ‘We gotta take the risks. It would definitely hurt if love fails but avoiding it wouldn’t help either.’ At nangako rin naman ako to take the risk na kasama sya.

Sana lang matuloy-tuloy na yung matagal naming pinaplanong date para maging official na ang lahat. Up til then kasi, mananatiling konsepto lamang ang mga salitang binibitawan namin sa isa’t isa. Sana dumating na kami dun sa puntong nagiging totoo na ang lahat.

I'm a Man

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The little boy has once again been asked to make an adult’s decision. No matter how strong he clung himself to his precious youth, the tide of times must come to give way to the inevitable. He must stand upon his own feet and learn the necessary skills to survive. He must abandon his child’s play to work and make a living. He must wake up from his dream of kaleidoscopic colours to see the blacks and whites of reality. He must decide at once to leave his comfort zone of liminality. He must grow up at once and leave his comfort state of liminality.

*******
They may have presented me with an opportunity that initially sounded out of my league but it is my decision as well to put myself out there. I am doing this because I wanted to not because they told me to. I am doing this for them. I am doing this for me.

On Getting Tipsy

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Yes, it’s that proverbial matter again with boys drinking. I have made an unofficial pact with myself when I was in high school that I will never drink or smoke seeing those stereotypical Filipino jeepney chauffeurs on the streets half-naked while swaggering their oversized beer belly and coughing their precious air passageways out. Smoking may have been a rare sight in our family but drinkers are quite common. It wasn’t really in my intention to join that bandwagon but perhaps I owe it to my older brother and father always hinting that I should at least take a sip to make my gut au fait with different kinds of alcoholic beverages.

Drinking isn’t a forbidden deed in our household. In fact, my father always keeps his best liquors around for important occasions or just in case a surprise compadre came up. Having established that freedom in my mind, I deliberately choose to drink only with the consent of my mother or in special events where my family is around. That way I could trust myself that I don’t just go around wasting myself all over the place.

Last night was one of them, I guess. There were no special events but it’s just that an uncle and a cousin of my mine were present. My father brought out a bottle of imported tequila (40% alcohol) – I had five shots - and after that another bottle of Gran Matador Brandy (32.8% alcohol) – I had three shots. As seen on television where boys are huddled at one corner exchanging conquests and other stories while drinking, I wasn’t really comfortable enough to sit in front of my father. So what I did was as I help my mom finish some chores (we do the laundry at night), I at times drop by on the session to take my shot.

Well, it wasn’t until my mom and I were hanging clothes that I felt the familiar light feeling. Then suddenly everything felt so good. I was laughing and singing and bugging my mom. And I was totally speaking in proficient English instead of my native tongue. Those are the clear and distinguished indications that I was already tipsy.

I was happy enough to go to bed last night putting up a mocking face on insomnia because he can’t bother me this time. When I woke up this morning I feel already fine. No sign of any hangover but with a large and itching red rash (allergy?) on my chest. My mom says it’s because of alcohol. Oh boy.

Where for art thou, Goatee?

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Yesterday, after a long hot afternoon of non-stop karaoke and belting on top of our lungs, I decided to take a break, have a long cool bath which everyone deserves in this kind of temperature - and shave. Mind you, it wasn't just a shave. It was my first shave. Ever.

I was excited to show every one of the new clean and neat look I have. But when I looked in the mirror minus the shaving cream and all that, I was shocked. I felt empty inside. As if something is missing in the big picture that is a part of me. Was it because of the shaver? Was it because of the shaving cream? Or perhaps my eyes are playing tricks on me again?

Sure, I looked young. But I'd flatly describe it as if I had a lower lip augmentation slash chin elongation surgery. Ugh. I'm not used to this at all. I missed my goatee. Oh, where for art thou, Goatee?

Haircut for Men

I had my first change of haircut the other day. I’m telling you it feels very liberating to have moved on from the look I have had since I was a kiddo. And because I don’t want to use a picture of my grinning face to illustrate how I look (that would be so narcissistic and *ahem* this is not a vanity site) just try to imagine my unkown face on those pictures above I got from hairstyledesign.com.