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"What do you think? A man had two sons; and he went to the first and said, `Son, go and work in the vineyard today.' And he answered, `I will not'; but afterward he repented and went. And he went to the second and said the same; and he answered, `I go, sir,' but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?" They said, "The first." Jesus said to them, "Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the harlots believed him; and even when you saw it, you did not afterward repent and believe him. Matthew 21:28-32

The gospel yesterday was all about the difference between what we profess when we pray and what we really do as a Christian. It's not enough that we are present every Sunday during services praying and looking like saints in front of the Lord. What counts more is what we do with the message and the revelations we receive after the mass. Avoid doing 'lip-services' because application always comes in parallel with what we profess.

MadMusic#006: Boston - Augustana

Oh, I just can't get enough of this song! It's been in my head for weeks! Boston from Augustana surely showed parallel words and emotions that would've sprung out from my very own. I've always wandered how it feels like being some place where no one knows my name. How you get tired of being in the same state all over and over again that you wish you'd be in a place so far away where everything is new. How you get over a situation or a person that comes and go inside your head every now and then.

Here is a piano version I found in Youtube from this very talented musician. I really love his arrangement! It's so great so I hope you guys will enjoy listening to it. 

Withered Roses

Photo borrowed from Flickr.com

A friend R whose really into poems made one and gave it especially for me. She's one of my new-found friends I've been for almost two semesters. Just found a common interest in writing poems and prose, and yeah, in singing. We don't usually sing in public but when we're together, with another friend R, we just can't help singing our hearts out expressing each emotion-packed voice in vibratos and melodies.

During a vacant hour while waiting for our next Physics class, the world seemed so far away as we sang every bit of our souls and as the walls of that old hollow fire exit staircase listen to every note given out by our vocal chords.

I would just like to extend my gratitude to R and R who showed me how true passions drive a true passionate artist out. You guys just keep on pushing each other out to the very limit of your artistic inclinations!

The poem has a tinge of emo which I found very appealing. So here it goes:

Mourning before my own grave
Hardly staring at the withered roses
My coffin is but a mere box
Of kept letters, first ticket dates
Stuff toys and photographs
Or our stained memory
That have controlled my whole being
For the past few years.

But I was just my little grave
Of thoughts and withered roses
That seemed to be lonely today
I saw the sun shine at its brightest
And the wind wrapping my body
Against its arms.
The clashing of waves against the shore
I heard it clearer than my own voice
They're all happy and lovely except me

I thought I needed someone to keep me alive
I thought without you I would die
But now that I've buried this coffin
Of myself that was once lost with your memories
I looked at the clouds
And of that someone behind them
And the I just knew
S(he) loved me more than I love you
And it's time now to move on
To rename myself as "I" and not "us".

Surreal

Photo borrowed from Devianart.com

The way the cold September breeze brush against your cheeks. The way the sun casts shadows over the busy urban scenario. The muted silence oppressing all. The way a stranger smiles at you. The way things out of nowhere starts puzzling you. The way a dream gets embedded in your memory. How you eat with the canteen you've been eating your lunch a thousand times before. How a spontaneous conversation between you and your friend started. How you think of someone dear who completely fall out of love on you. How tears of regret and remorse well up your eyes. The way you recall an imaginary place you've seen in your slumber. The way the moon shines at its fullest.

Questions like 'what if...?' and statements like 'I should've...'.

A very strange day it is.

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To be able to discover the actual will of the Lord in our lives always involves the following: a receptive listening to the Word of God and the Church, fervent and constant prayer, recourse to a wise spiritual guide, and a faithful discernment of the gifts and talents given by God, as well as the diverse social and historic situations in which one lives. Pope John Paul ll

Direction

Weather today's freaked out. One moment it's warm and bright and the next it's dark and raining. The news says something about an upcoming typhoon and all we could do in class is watch the dimming sky and the non-stop downpour of rain while workin' on our mosaic due next Saturday. Under that gloomy and silent state, where the soft pounding of rain is the only sound you'll hear, a conversation between me and my friend Fev initiated.

Future plans for our life and career became the main topic of our small chat. She said all she really care about is graduating from college and having a stable job so as to help her parents in Palawan, which I think is a typical scenario and reason (more like an obligation) here in our country's culture where the youth plays an important role in the future development of the nation. Not that I don't want to graduate and have a stable job like her, it's just that there are still so many things I really wanted to do with my life that is far more important than raising money, money and more money for myself, my parents and my family.

Currently on my sophomore year as an architecture student, I still wonder what future I may have in this course I'm taking. The fact that I'm not sure of anything and that my tomorrow is still somewhat hazy (and spontaneous!) gives me a bit of a scare. Sitting in front of a drafting table and learning about structures and stuff wasn't something I had pictured myself doing two years ago. And now that I'm in college, studying to be a professional or rather just to get a degree and make myself believe that I'm a 'productive citizen' of the society, I just can't seem to have a clear picture of what might in store for me.

And with the upcoming Architectural Qualifying Examination (AQE) for the sophomores on March next year, that sudden jolt of anxiety over something that is so critical (very similar to the time when I had to choose between a prestigious university with a very high tuition over an affordable one famed for it's overly dramatic student activists) had made a complete come back. I have no idea what will happen next after that AQE. Not that I don't believe I can pass the said exam, but considering the other side of what could possibly happen - maybe, just maybe, you know, flunking the exam cause rumors had been going on that the usual passing rate of the incoming juniors every year is only half or three-quarters of the sophie batch - what would happen to me? What would happen to this thing I believe I call a 'direction'?

Gone are my days when 'wherever-the-flow-of-fate-would-lead-me' is the only plan I have in my life. Gone are those days when I'm completely clueless about my direction, about what I really wanted from my existence, or who I wanted to be say ten or fifteen years from now. I have to set up my goals, purposeful ones, based accordingly on what I really had in heart, and aspire. I started my blog, as a high school senior student, full of musings and ranting from the past. But now that I see how big the world truly is than how I had ever imagined it to be, I guess it's time to for me now to take that leap and pursue my dreams.

Living in the present times of diverse and prevalent pop cultures, of overcommercialism, of products that dictates you who you are, of gadgets that serves as a status symbol as much as it is used as a tool of communication, of pubescent idolatry (say hello to the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus), where showbiz gossip and the whereabouts of the stars is more important than your own life, I don't want to get lost in the crowd.

I don't want to embed myself in a made-up reality that makes you feel good in the outside but completely hollow and rotten on the inside. I don't want to deprive myself of meaning, of the Truth, and what really matters in this world. I don't want to be blind. I want to be able to see, and more importantly, to address the needs of other people especially those in the margin of our society. Even I don't have much, yet given the opportunity and courage, I would give myself wholly to serve, to lend a helping hand, and to try to make things a little less painful for poor, either physically and if God permit, spiritually.

All my life I've been very blessed yet at the same time insensitive and apathetic towards those who are very much in need. And now as I make these ranting and musings about my direction and dreams, I guess being a volunteer isn't really that bad after all.

Professional volunteer, youth/student volunteer, disaster and relief volunteer, environment advocate, human rights ambassador... I realize that there are so many things I could do and paths I could start with to help.

I wish not to be blind. And I pray with all my heart to have the chance to give back my time, treasure and talent to those who are very much in need of it.

Photo credit from Flickr.com

Tired

Feelin' very tired. I need some rest...