Courage and Fluctuations

Image borrowed here 

Saturated by the season two episodes of Glee and their epic 12th place standing at the Nationals in the season finale, I am compelled for a momentary and ponderous stop as to my plans since I've made up my mind. I still haven’t told my adviser yet. But I do have the balls to stand up for that decision no matter how hard it shakes me to the core. Because I know for once that it’s something I chose upon to bring to myself unlike my untimely service to the people that still give the best crap out of me. I guess I am just preserving all that energy. Especially when that apex comes for me to the drop the bomb and see the looks at everyone’s faces to see the enthusiastic leader of the Thesis class they so looked upon for inspiration blown to smithereens. *sighs* I just know that I still have a shot at this next year. So yeah, the best wishes on that.

'Courage doesn't always roar. 

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 

"I will try again tomorrow.'

Mary Anne Radmacher

Going back to the final episode of Glee, Kuya J’s words of wisdom came upon me as I looked past Rachel Berry’s dialogue on hopes and dreams. It was last Sunday when we had a small chat over an order of street kikiam. My siblings and I were planning to leave a group of church choir for another. We had a lot of issues with some of the members whom we feel like don’t even give a crap. It’s been going for a long time now so we are about almost a hundred-percent-ly sure to make that big leap. Then came Kuya J saying that it’s always good to pray and ask for some guidance in all the decisions we are about to make, because in that way we aren’t sailing the stormy seas of our cranium alone in settling on something. 

His words pierced through when I realized how my prayer life has been going so far. I’ve been making a lot of plans lately without considering the Big Guy up there. You know, leaving a choir, dropping out on my thesis, entering the religious life. I already had all these in mind without stopping and asking if all that were okay or even in resonance unto His Will. 

My fluctuations have been going on and on. And I believe I am experiencing one of the all-time lows in my life. Sooner or later I hope and I pray to see what truly is going on around and within me. I bet there’s no other way but to go up when you reach that rock-hard bottom from everything that's been happening.