First thing in the morning, and that phrase from a routinely-sent group text message struck me. It was from a friend struggling in his thesis writing. Now I could look back and wallow in regrets for dropping out early on my thesis endeavor (and miss the chance of graduating on time), or I could look forward, fall silent, and saturate myself from the point made by that phrase in a text message.
Last July, when I visited the seminary of the Society of the Divine Word for a search-in seminar, my ideals were high. I was making all this plans for the next five years as if it were just a piece of easy. I am clearly responsible for the loss of my thesis endeavor but maybe, just maybe, I am opening myself up to the possibility that perhaps the Lord have a different plan for me. Looking at my status now, I guess I have to make a reality check again. My eyes are on the prize but my motivations are not right. And the path I’m walking is not even properly lit.
So where do I start? What I learned so far from the early chapters of the book I’m currently reading (In Pursuit of Love), with a couple of homilies and contemplative prayers, is my calling to be a lover fulfilled ultimately in my response to God’s love through my living faith. Here I am presented with a moral and social responsibility that I’ve repeatedly violated thru my sins of omission.
It personally struck me being one of the youngest elected councilors in our community - lax for almost a year now. I’ve been moaning and groaning and struggling over my duties and responsibilities, and of refusing to be a part of the dirty mumbo jumbos in the political scene, yet as an individual holding an administrative position, I have not even done half my part so far nor even tried as to my own willingness to reach out.
I have always had my age and my being in school to back me up with my duties. But surely what can I do? I am still young. I am too young. And I am clearly afraid. I am used to it. But when it comes to attending meetings, or public speeches, or dealing with a subordinate or a higher official, I am trembling. I am used to it. But I am truly trembling. *sigh*
This reminds me of the words from the Vocations Director of SVD when we did our scriptural discernment session. It was when Jeremiah was called to be a prophet by the Lord. Jeremiah gave the same response, but the Lord assured him,
“Do not say that you are too young… Do not be afraid of them, for I will be with you to protect you.
I, the Lord have spoken!”
(Jeremiah 1: 4-9)
It was a verse that clearly spoke to my struggles and calls for reassurance.
At one of my ‘eureka’ moments, I realized that no one truly is READY when you are called by the Lord. But when that calling comes, as one of my friends had said, we must answer with great promptness and obedience.
I am done with crappy cartoon TV series and movies. I figured the best way to productivity for the rest of this semester and the next is to immerse myself in prayer and in discernment. My parish, the Catholic blogs, the books and my fave series in EWTN surely is and have been a wonderful help for me.