Transitions

I was reading the recently established blog of a close friend the other night when one of his posts struck me. It was about high school life and all the things he missed about our last year as a senior.

The post was short. It's construction was more like a list than an essay. It was unornamented with deep and heavy words --- completely not even a sign of verbosity like other personal blogs I've been to. It was simple and plain yet it was packed with sincerity that has managed to reveal all the melodramatic and cheesy thoughts and emotions I've kept hidden in the corner of my heart for so long.

Adjusting on that transition - that is, from high school to college - that will determine the course of our career an life is something that I think everyone has experienced in their lives.

The experience can be depressing or even traumatic for some, considering all the sudden changes academically and socially. But as a being programmed for adaptation, I think everyone has learned, over time, to adjust to the new situations and surroundings and to let go or rather, push all the memories that may have brought about feelings of great sorrow and loneliness, on a corner inside our minds and hearts.

I've honestly grieved over my high school life for my whole first semester as a college freshmen. From time to time, I'd be on this nostalgic mode with my new acquaintances(block mates) talking about our different crazy and wild high school chronicles and experiences or sometimes finding myself alone staring blankly in space as a sentimental moment flashed out of nowhere.

There are times that I'd want to do nothing else but cry. Shut myself inside my room and just cry out to God. But every time I try to do so, I just always get the same answer. That all the people we meet in life would come and go, either leaving us something or parting them with something in their hearts. That changes are the only permanent things in life. That life goes on and that even grieving won't stop it.

Our experiences with regards to all the changes and transitions in our life may differ in every which way. But one thing's for sure, that over time, no matter how long it may take, we'd have to let go and move on with all these changes. You know it ain't called transition for nothing!

I'll be turning sophomore next school year. I can't believe how time fly by so fast. The beginning entries of my journal and posts in my blog are all about these sudden college culture shocks. I can't imagine myself right now, one year after, sharing my views about my personal transitions.

And yes, I can never forget the thing I once said. It was from a song that became my thought from time to time during these longing moments with my high school buds. We still have a long way to go - a whole lots of things to experience and a whole new mountains of struggles to conquer. but in the end, I'd still want to be standing at the beginning with them.

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I personally dedicate this post to a very close and special friend who just flew last Monday with her family to live in Virginia, United States. She has issues on her own regarding with all these transition and sudden changes in her life. I can't imagine her situation, given that she'll be living far away from the land where she was born, literally being worlds apart from us.

Peanut, I know you'll be back sometime sooner. We’re going to miss you, girl! In the mean time, always take care and never forget to pray. Guess we'll just keep in touch through the Web. Remember that we may be worlds apart, but no matter how far you are from us, we are all still under the same sky.

Pachelbel’s Canon in D. Do you still remember that classic composition? I’ve been making several arrangements I could play the next time we meet. I’ll be waiting…

Forgotten Dream

I woke up this morning as the warm rays of the early morning sun entered my room, forcing me to cross the realm of dreams to the world of reality. I realized I just woke up from a dream I've never had before. It was oddly familiar. The characters are from long ago, from those whom I considered very close to my heart as a young kid. But like my other usual dreams, traces and fragments of what I can remember would only exist in my slumber and will vanish as soon as I wake up.

I lie awake in bed, covered in sweat, staring blankly at the wall clock hanging on the opposite wall from my bed. 6:53am, it read. I was still trying to recover the pieces of that dream but I only failed. The feeling was almost almost nostalgic, as if jerking up something completely forgotten and lost from oblivion. Certainly, I'm having one of those strange and magical moments again...

Strangely enough, I felt refreshed and energized from that sweet slumber. I've never felt so alive and vibrant to start my day again. It may sound silly but the rain last night must have washed away all the burdens of my heart. Whatever they were that kept boggling my mind every now and then. What a very strange way to start my day, don't you think?

But despite the renewed feeling that has enveloped my being; I can't seem to ignore this odd sensation that I've forgotten something; something very important.

Outside the walls of our home, life goes on beyond all these pondering. Scarlet bougainvillea flowers continue to fall and litter the grounds. The trees kept shedding its dried and crippled leaves. The rising sun in war over the gray clouds for authority in the sky. And the orchestra of summer crickets unusually overpowering the noise made by the routine of the whole urban population.

I wonder if my dream tonight will be the same just like the one I just forgot...

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The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility. Anyway, if my love is real, freedom will conquer jealousy and any pain it causes me, since pain is also a part of the natural process. Anyone who practices sports knows this: if you want to achieve your objectives, you have to be prepared for a daily dose of pain or discomfort. At first, it's unpleasant and demotivating, but in time you come to realize that it's part of the process of feeling good, and the moment arrives when, if you don't feel pain, you have a sense that the exercises aren't having the desired effect. Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

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With everything that is happening right now, there's more opportunity for us to take action and take a stand, but there is also a greater temptation for us to watch from the sidelines, to conform, and to sit back and relax.

Pedro Valdes, indie film director.

Summer Stillness

Bathed by my own sweat, I found myself enchanted, staring blankly on my reflection in front of our bathroom mirror. I saw my dark hollow eyes. How blank and empty they were. How strange and foreign it feels to realize the diminishing flicker of light.

The quiet dripping of our faucet began to ring in my ears. The never ending ticking of the clock filled the atmosphere. And the faint beating of my heart that goes with my heavy breathing started to pound in my head. I just stood still there. Boxed inside that tiled room and listened.

For a long while, I indulged myself in that state of trance. The sounds that bombarded my sensitive ears receded. I began to enjoy the silence and as it crept inside my whole being, my mind began to take off and travel through different dimensions that only exists in the realm of silence and stillness.

For a while, I thought I've already left the world of sanity.

Questions, unexplainable and unanswerable ones, began to spring from the depths of my head. What is the purpose of my existence? Why am I doing the things I am doing? Is there really a life after death? Do men really live by embedding themselves in ongoing systems of illusion? What does sanity really mean anyway? Is this world eternal or non-eternal? Where does my soul go after I die?

I left the bathroom in bewilderment. Even the cold water did not help to cease my mind with those strange questions. For a second, I began to think if I was going crazy or what, if I'm still inside this world of sanity, stretched beyond what I think I know of life's meaning and existence.

This was not the first time I found myself completely drawn into thinking that answers to those questions will pop out of nowhere, sooner or later.

As if knocking on the door of such great mysteries, I know that those questions will still continue to beg me to succumb or have a go with them.

Bathed by my own sweat, I found myself enchanted, still staring blankly on my reflection in front of our bathroom mirror. Words can never convey or express what I feel right know so I apologize for not having any sense at all.

Are these ponderings the effect of the summer heat? Whatever happened to PAG-ASA's wet summer forecast?

This is going nowhere. I am logging off...

The True Powers of Blogging

I was browsing my favorite daily newspaper this morning when I came upon this article that was entitled Yes, blogs can ruin your life. I was not moved at all because I've already read similar kinds of articles that talk about every bloggers duty in writing responsibly. See, in this age where every average Joes and Janes can put out a blog on the Web, someone's reputation are made or broken in just a click of a mouse say for example a commercial establishment with a poor maintenance or service. But talking about the true powers of blogging, I never thought that writing carelessly about my personal views and stuffs about certain matters can backfire or work up against myself!

Just thought I'd share it with everyone particularly to those who writes about their personal stuffs in the Web, here are some things to think about when you blog.

1. You don’t know who is reading your page.

Unless your entries are locked and you have total control over who has access to them, you’re never sure who is reading your entries. Your parents, your teachers—they’re all just a google search away from unlocking your deepest thoughts.

2. What you post can make or break your career.

While some people have gotten book deals after building a huge blog readership, most bloggers need to realize that employers have started using Google searches as a tool to scan job applicants.

3. Will your post hurt anyone?

It is easy to vent online your anger with a friend or a family member. But let the anger simmer before hitting the “publish” button. Sleep on it, think it over because once it’s online, it will not be easy to get rid of—not with the cache features of online searches.

4. Can your entries be lifted and used against you?

Your blog entries may be lifted anytime by anyone who knows how to highlight and press Ctrl and C. Your photos may be stolen as easily and defaced, like some have been on gossip blogs. It may be smart to add javascript that prevents readers from right-clicking on your page. It’s not total protection, but it may save you from the less-techie lurkers.

5. Will your entries attract the wrong kind of people?

Most blog readers are kind. They leave comments, they send you e-mails and sometimes, you even find people you can be friends with. But some of the more popular bloggers have had problems with blog stalkers. High Internet traffic is a good thing, but not when it leads to scary encounters.

*******Click here for the whole content of the article by Pam Pastor of Philippine Daily Inquirer.