|Image borrowed here|
“There is nothing more hateful than not to go where one should, just like a herd of sheep who march along not to where they should, but to where they are accustomed to go.”
(Seneca, On the Happy Life)
I sat silently as I watch everyone attend Christmas parties and post ‘officially on Christmas vacation’ statuses on Facebook. I’ve been working my ass out since yesterday on a final requirement that is eating away my precious vacation. Hopefully after Tuesday next week, it is not too late for me to savour this special season intended for His coming.
Rooster Masses (Filipino: Simbang Gabi) started just yesterday so for sure there’d be a flock of parishioners going to church every morning. I wish I could also complete the nine Masses before Christmas utterly not out of popular tradition but out of necessity. I’d be a total hypocrite if I’d say I’ve been a good Christian this year because heck it’s been like a roller coaster regarding the inconsistencies of my deeds.
*sigh* I just feel ashamed of myself. If there is only a mask that could bury my tears and identity right now I’d buy one. It’s been hell of a year for me chasing after something I’d eventually regret in the end. I’ve done things I should not have done. Broke my heart twice on the process and got myself entangled in a web of sin and degradation.
Worse, the price for all of that is the perspective of a child I once had. Perhaps it’s the reason why I feel numb about this Christmas coming; the reason why I ache from time to time in silence. Maybe my soul is trying to tell me something...