Paralisado

(Photo credit here)

Ilang linggo na rin syang nakatanga. Pilit na ibinabaling ang atensyon sa mga walang kabuluhang mga gawain. Umiiwas sa mga responsibilidad. Nayayamot. Natatakot. Naiinis. Nangangapa. Nalilito. Nagagalit sa sarili. Naghahanap ng gamot, ng kahit anong lunas na papawi sa mga bumabagabag na hilakbot.

Ganito ang pakiramdam ng may mabigat na dinadala. Magigising kang tulala na para bang walang inaalala. Matutulog nang tulala na punumpuno ng pagkadismaya. Magtatanong kung saan nagkamali. At lilingon kung saan nadapa para lang makita ang malagim na katotohanang wala ka nang magawa.

Hindi titigil ang mundo kasabay ng pagtigil mo. Luluha kang nakatanghod habang pinagmamasdan ang panahong nagmamadali sa pagtakbo. Haharap sa salamin at magtataka sa kakambal na estranghero. Magagalit, sisigaw sa harap ng basag na imaheng mapanlilo. Saan na nga ba napunta ang liwanag sa iyong mga mata? Anumang pilit ngumiti ay hindi maikukubli ang pait na iniinda.

Hangga’t hindi ko inaaming ako’y may sakit ay patuloy akong mabubulok. Patuloy na kakainin ng sakit na matagal nang nananalaytay sa aking diwa. Sa aking mga buto’t laman. Sa bawat sulok ng aking katawan.

*******

It all has gone too far. I have many issues. I need some counseling – my first ever counseling.

Couldn't Agree More

(Image credit Flickr.com)

We see what we want to see. 

And we do not those we prefer would not. 

It truly is just a matter of perspective. 

I want to live my life from His perspective.

When will I cease running in search of hollow meaning?

Can the world ever satisfy the emptiness in my heart? 

In vain, I deny.

(Pa-deep na post. Sarap sapakin).

Case Study: Pamayanang Maliksi (Cavite Housing Project)

Presenting pictures from our recent trip to Pamayanang Maliksi, a mass housing project located in General Trias, Cavite. We had to go there as part of one of our final requirements in  Approved Specialization I: Socialized Housing. Thank goodness there was Bro. A who was kind enough to make a referral to the engineers of R-II Builders to assist us in our visit. The long commute drained us but thankfully we came back with enough photos, interviews and information to make the report.


So here's a background of Pamayanang Maliksi: 

A 53-hectare property that offers 6,000 low-cost housing units for Cavite’s blue collar workers, Pamayanang Maliksi is the first housing project of the province and the first Local Government Unit Public-Private-Partnership (LGU-PPP) venture in the Philippines.

The development was first initiated by Hon. Erineo “Ayong” Maliksi in contributing to the province’s priority agenda in providing decent living conditions for its working population and effectively reduce poverty in the Philippines, especially among the urban poor.

The project is spearheaded by the provincial government in partnership with developer R-II Builders Inc. with P400 million funding from the Asian Development Bank’s (ADB) Development of Poor Urban Communities Sector Project (DPUCSP).

Stage Fright

Image retrieved from Google

Tulala. Nakita ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa harapan ng tatlong tao. Nakatutok ng mariin ang isang kamera sa mukha ko. Kinukunan ang bawat emosyon, bawat birit, bawat nota na aaliw-iw sa hangin ng bakanteng kwarto. Bakit parang naulit lamang ang kinalalagyan ko? Bakit pagkatapos ng dalawang taon ay mapupunta na naman ako sa sitwasyong ganito?

I auditioned last Valentine's Day in CAFA Idol 2011, an amateur singing search for aspiring vocal-belters held annually during our beloved College Week. Winning that premier title as the next best singing sensation in our college wasn't really on my list for I have joined only with that desire to overcome my fear of singing in front of a larger audience. But yesterday, after an emotional roller coaster of dealing with what-could-haves, I finally and officially told the organizers that I'm stepping down.

I felt relieved but defeated all the while. I joined this competition for the second time but cowered like hell at the last minute. Fear won over me - again! But I guess I really need not to go over that to finally accept that I'm not really fit to be in such singing contests, and that my voice truly is cut out to sing only in church services.

It's not just food. It's a state of mind.

Ilang araw na akong wala sa sarili ko. Been stayin' up late kahit wala namang ginagawa. Nonchalant about upcoming submissions. Tulala. Parang ni-rape. Hinihingal. Napapagod. Could it be possible that I've worked up all my mojos out? I've been wallowing in creative drought  for days and I'm not really planning to take this attitude with me until next semester. No way. I have to keep up. There's no way I'm going to give up. No way.

Lord, I need your divine intervention. I need attitude reinvention.

(Update: Napahiya ako dun sa isang nagcomment. Design student pa naman daw ako eh hindi ako marunong mag-credit. Pasensya na kababayan. Yung Wordart sa itaas ay dito ko kinuha. Kinrap ko lang. hehe. Yung picture naman ng ngarag na babae ay friend ko at may permiso kong gamitin. With all due respect paumanhin uli sa iyo Renz ng the marinegeek.tumblr / the cyberniche.tumblr for using that photo without permission.)

Definition:

Sabaw is a colloquial adjective used to refer to an individual subject to a distinct condition characterized by mental remoteness, unfriendly air, detached presence, inconsistency and chronic periods of zombie-like proceedings caused by synchronized consecutive sleep deprivation, unrestrained consumption or overindulgence of caffeinated beverages and the exemplary struggle to keep up with pertinent academic requirements. Synonymous and used interchangeably with the term ‘haggard’, sabaw often paints a rather grim portrait of the brain matter liquefied from excessive traumatic stimulus (read: overuse) inside one's cranium cavity.

(harujusme. nasabaw ako sa pagbuo ng definition na iyan. ang effort ha.)

Used in Context:

• Student 1: (concerned) How's life other than your sabawness?
• Student 2: (pissed and sarcastic) Where is LIFE when all is sabawness?
• Student 3: (frantic and hyperventilating) Your life is all that sabawness! Embrace life with all it's recurring sabawness!

Event Review: Architecture Student's Forum 2011

I had the a blast last Wednesday participating with my fellow mates at the first ever Architecture Student’s Forum held at Tan Yan Kee Auditorium and Beato Angelico AVR of the Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas. With the goal of stimulating active participation in the revision of the current BS Architecture Course Program, participating universities who responded to the invitation include student delegates from the Polytechnic University of the Philippines, Manuel L Quezon University, Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila, College of Saint Benilde, Far Eastern University and the University of Santo Tomas.

Senior year student delegates from our college
(ako yung papansing naka-'peace' sign sa likuran. hehe.)

Panel of Reactants: Arch. Fernandez and Arch. Alarcon

Cluster Presentation of resolutions @ Beato Angelico AVR

The first plenary address entitled “Architecture Education: Its Current and Future State” given by Arch. John Joseph Fernandez, current Dean of UST College of Architecture, President of the Council of Deans and Heads of Architecture Schools in the Philippines (CODHASP) and the Executive Director of the Commission on Education of the United Architects of the Philippines (UAP), was thorough in painting a picture of the current situation of our five-year ladderized curriculum based on CHED Memorandum Order 61 (CMO61) or the Policies and Standards for Bachelor of Science in Architecture Program. A hitch regarding the number of schooling years surfaced, the need for more hours in the architectural subjects to be taken, the seeming redundancy of GenEd subjects included in the course program, the superficiality of lessons being taught in Building Utilities and Building Technology subjects, and issues regarding the two-years worth of diversified experience to be taken as an undergraduate vs. Post-graduate.

The participating body was divided into four clusters that will discuss, assess and review the current curriculum as implemented in their respective colleges. They then formulated resolutions and presented these in the Panel of Reactants composed of Arch. John Joseph Fernandez and Arch. Norma Alarcon. After an open discussion, the cluster leaders together with the panel of reactants drafted the final resolution to be proposed to the higher body concerned.

An eye-opener in the sense that I would have never known such issues regarding the academe, the event was a success in making students aware, in lending an ear to our take on the matter, and in fostering camaraderie between architectural colleges represented by the delegates.

I certainly would love to participate more in these kinds of events. I’ve made acquaintances and probably have met my future colleagues in the industry :)

Valentine Treat

At dumating na nga ang araw ng aking kasiraan. Bwahaha. It never occurred on my 3 years of blogging the brain sentiment to upload a video of me dedicating a song to a nonexistent girlfriend. But oh well, such crazy acts truly are the effects of February to singles like moi. I'm not rambling about not having that special someone in this very day of commercial mushiness. All I'm saying is that this would've been the song I'd like to sing if there is one albeit the very selection was not really given that much thought. It's a song entitled 'She Is' sung by my fave American rock band The Fray :)

Forgive the low audio volume quality, you'd probably prefer listening to it in speakers full blast or with your earphones deeply embedded in your ear cavity. This ain't a vanity blog after all so forgive as well my rather oily complexion. Bwahaha. A heartfelt greetings of love to all :)

Euphoric

Random thought. Masarap rin pala minsan yung nagpupuyat. Tipong 4am ka na matutulog dahil sa effed up body clock mo when yung class mo kinaumagahan eh 9am. Lutang kasi yung feeling paggising. Ecstatic. Self-induced euphoric na ewan yung pakiramdam dahil sa iyong unwarranted sleep deprivation. No choice kundi magnilay na lang sa LRT habang pinagmamasadan ang normal na pagtakbo ng pang-araw-araw na pamumuhay ng mga tao. Hinde pa hassle because you care little in your natural 'haggard-na-malayo-ang-tingin-at-malalim-ang-iniisip' look. Oh, diwa ng ulong lumilipad, bumalik ka na ulit sa iyong balikat. Dalawin mo ako ngayung gabeh. Shiiyet. Ahaha. This is not my best post. Walang kwenta lang. Kainis... bwahaha :)

ArchInspire #018: Sagwan and Sweet Sage Cafe

Kamusta naman ang week-long hiatus ku? ampf. I missed the blogosphere. 

Busy mode lang talaga sa school ngayon kaya hinde na masyado nakakapag-bloghop. Pasensya na sa mga kapitbahay ko. Huhu. I'm being pushed to the limit. Sobrang nakakapagod pero masaya when your brain matter is being juiced to the last drop. So far, eto yung mga naging accomplishments ko for the week plus some good news:

• Finished our requirement in Approved Specialization I - a proposed medium-rise economic housing in Manila with settlers along Pasig River as the main beneficiaries. Worked with passionate group mates and made a kickass presentation using Sketchup Pro 7 and Microsoft Office Publisher (ooh, the possibilities!). First time ko gumawa ng hinde manual, na pullout naman ng maayos kaya ayun, am so so happy :) Eto yun oh...

• Got invited by our Dean to an Architecture Student's Forum in UST sa February 16 together with 3 mates from our class and 8 from the other 2 sections. We will represent our university for this event and I'm just hyped to go! Yung mga mapapadpad dyan sa UST sa February 16, this is your chance to meet me! Ahaha!

Anyways, as promised in my last post, here is the final rendered concepts of Sweet Sage Cafe which Theofratus and I discussed a week ago. Natuwa naman ako dahil for the second time nag-meet uli kami but this time to talk about an important matter which is his feasibility study and upcoming defense. Isa rin sa mga achievement ko itong side project na'to :) hehe. Ibang-iba sa mga nauna kong naipost :) Napush talaga ang brain juice ko with desirable results naman. Malayo sa mga nauna kong pinost at tinulungang feasib. Eto yun:

Have a productive day mga Kapitbahay! Magbabalik ako. Pramis. Right now, tapusin ko muna ang mga dapat gawin :) God Bless everyone!

ArchInspire #017: I Scream! for Ice Cream

Quickie post lang. Umaariba ang mga taga-banking and finance kong mga friends sa kanilang mga feasib studies. Kaya ayun, full support naman ako sa mga gustong magpa-layout at magpa-design ng kanilang mga conceptual business ventures. Si Miss Musicale na ang pangatlong nagpapagawa sa akin (ayeee!) and this time isang ice cream shop naman ang pina-sketchup niya. 

Pasensya na kung laging mga unfinished drafts yung mga pinopost ko dito. Hindi na talaga kinaya ng powers ko tapusin yung interior dahil dalawa yung midterms ko last Wednesday. But in all fairness, na-enjoy ko naman yung pagtrabaho ko nito. I love that I'm being pushed to the limit because that's what's really brings out the best in me. I'll see to it na makarir yung interior sa susunod kahit hinde na niya kelangan. Natuwa kasi ako dahil so far ito na yung pinakamalaki kong nagawa tapos 2-storey pa :) Ia-update ko na lang yung mga pictures kapag tapos na :)

*phew* Tuturbo na uli ako sa iba pang requirements sa school. Next creative juice post's output will feature our very own blogger, Theofratus' and Superjaid's super coffee shop! Weee!

February Effect: Crush Profiles

(Ahaha. Anlakas ng loob mag-post ng kalandian kahit hapit na sa mga ginagawa sa skul. Grr.)

Valentine’s almost here I could almost smell the love in the air. We’re bound to write about love and relationships again. I’ve been trying to avoid this subject ever since due to my discretion but because of trending topics brought by the February effect; it would be seasonal to share a bit of mine. *drum rolls please* Introducing my versions of Aida, Lorna and Fe – the three Maria Claras that caught my cardiovascular organ (wapak! bwahaha!) One could never resist a date (given one-in-a-hundred chance) with one of these girls even for a chap who has just recently embraced singlehood. It would truly be phenomenal :)

Miss Feisty Feline

Miss Feisty Feline is a familiar resident name in this blog. She was the Lady G wannabe in that Photoscape post flashing her Cameron Diaz grin and she’s my high school MU slash love tandem I had a thing on for years (and counting!) My high school senior year revolved around exchanging love letters, e-mails, text messages and long phone calls with her. I shared something mutual and special for the first time back then I had a little overdose I became delusional on happily-ever-after. She broke my heart when she decided not to meet me halfway. But she came back just to make sure she puts back all the shattered pieces together. Today, she remains one of my closest kumare ever, a confidant and a true friend indeed. I still regard her as my ‘guardian angel’ and the girl sent from heaven above. But I guess we’re better off as best friends in the mean time.

Miss Brightside

Miss Brightside is that vibrant effervescent Korean-looking girl from school aka Ms. Sketchpad in my Torpe No More post. She is weird and eccentric in a good way – the exact qualities that made her so attractive in my eyes. We’ve been friends since sophomore year. She never made me feel kinikilig (giddy) but there was that level of comfort-ability wherein I could just walk right up at her courageously, say that I like her, receive an outright flabbergasted response and just laugh about it for the rest of the day. Her presence never fails to draw a smile on my face – something I look forward to everyday and I just love everything about her - her angelic voice, her bubbly smile and her cheeky unrestrained laughter. I would definitely love to know her on a more personal level.

Miss Musicale

Lastly is Miss Musicale, the long lost twin sister of the renowned celebrity Yeng Constantino. Frankly, I know little about her. In fact she just made this list last Saturday when we decided to meet-up and talk about her feasibility study I decided to help out. We ate dinner together (ayeee!) and I accompanied her on her way home and to the church. We first became acquainted in this charismatic community I attended for months and discovered that she’s in the same college course program and class with some of my friends from high school. What I love is how we always bump into each other inside the church, well, especially now that I’ve also started singing with the men’s choir her composed but groovy father leads. I still can’t quite shake the idea that the dinner we had last Saturday was a date (grr. am ever assuming talaga). We got to know each other more and truly I am looking forward to a start of a new friendship :)

Wish ko lang talaga. Hindi nila mabasa ito. Ahaha. Wish ko lang.